"For the flesh lusts against the Spirit,
and the Spirit against the flesh;
\and these are contrary to one another,
so that you do not do the things that you wish."
The day after my husband said, “Honey, I just don’t want to be married anymore,” http://dlouyoung.blogspot.com/2012/03/when-is-it-time-to-get-divorce-when-god.html I started to feel a battle rage within me. By the end of the day, I wondered, "Is this what Galatians 5:17 'For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish' means?"
First, without considering the effect the conversation would have on our small child, I told our seven-year-old son, “Mommy and Daddy are getting a divorce.” Instantly, our young son began to feel the sting of his father's rejection and began to cry. My heart overflowed with pain, mercy and love. As I remembered how I felt hearing those same words at his age, guilt consumed me. I simply couldn’t bear to watch my young suffer like I had! I held my son while he cried.
When he had finished crying, I excused myself, grabbed the phone, went to my bedroom and closed the door. I called my husband. “Are you sure you want a divorce?” For two hours, I attempted to convince my husband that there was still hope for our marriage. And while I tried to talk him out of his decision to leave us, I shamefully listened as he blamed me for making him say that he wanted a divorce. Unbelievable! I hung my head in tearful shame. “Why did I call my husband and allow him to put me down? Why didn’t I turn to God for comfort during our moment of sorrow?” Instead, I had allowed my husband to sway my emotions. And by the time the call had ended, I heard myself say , “Maybe I shouldn’t have issued an ultimatum. I am sorry!” I was asking for his forgiveness!
As the hours went by, doubt and confusion took over. I cried out to God. “Divorce seems so contradictory to Your Word!” I fell to the floor of my bedroom closet. For several minutes, I laid with my face to the carpet. Tears overflowing! “I need you Lord. I am so confused. Please pick me up and carry me!” Instantly, I felt the warming presence of the Holy Spirit. I got up from the floor and wiped my tears.
Soon after, I felt an urge to reach out to my church Pastor. He is a godly man who has witness the struggle we faced over the past three years. My Pastor prayed with me over the phone. He prayed for God to provide me with heavenly discernment and strength. His words brought me comfort and strength. And after a few more hours, I was determined to obey God’s will. I even felt empowered to sit at my home computer and conduct some research about the divorce process.
However, just as I began to search the Internet for information, my eldest son walked through the front door. My now twenty-three year old step-son had not wanted much to do with me over the past year. He had even missed sitting by my side during our church service on Christmas morning. http://dlouyoung.blogspot.com/2012/01/fearing-god-what-does-that-mean.html Therefore, I was surprised by his impromptu visit. My son spoke about a possible need to rest his weary head. “I may need a place to stay for awhile.” He said. All I could do was shake my head in amazement and say, “That is so funny that you would return home now. Of course. You always have a home to return to!”
Yet, after my son left and I started to process what had just happened, again, doubt set in. Now, I was even more confused about the Lord’s will. Why would God bring my son home while my husband spoke about a desire to divorce me? Was sneaky Satan trying to make me feel doubt about doing God's will?” I turned to scripture once again for answers. This time, God led me to read, Ezra chapter one. http://www.blueletterbible.org/Bible.cfm?b=Ezr&c=1&v=1&t=NKJV#1 “The sinful stayed in Babylon while those who sought redemption returned home.” Incredible! To be continued...