March 1, 2013: My Personal Journal Entry: When Children doubt if they are going to Heaven-Saved

Dear God. Today my heart warmed once again. Thank You for this morning’s elementary school ceremony when You encouraged our youngest son in front of all of his peers. What a wonderful reminder that Your plan for him is to give him a future filled with hope. 

It was still early in the school day when my husband, mom, dad and I sat eagerly waiting for Travis’ classroom to file into the auditorium. Travis’s face lit up as he saw us all gathered together, cameras in hand, waiting for his turn.  Before long, Travis was invited to stand in front of all the other students enrolled in the second grade of his new school.  His cheeks began to turn rosy red as he held up is caring award, there upon the stage. After a quick embrace, his school teacher shuffled her handwritten notes. She began her speech. “Now my friend, Travis. What a happy guy! As a new student, he came to our school in the fall. And what I noticed from the very first day, was that even though Travis was the new student, he went around trying to make everyone else feel at home and comfortable. He made sure that everyone was having a good day. He never stopped helping others and making sure that everyone was okay.  When he began having trouble with a few children who were bullying him, he never showed it. He was still nice to them, offering to help them and do things for them. He was caring to everyone even though people weren’t acting caring towards him. And, I am so proud of him.”

On my face was an ear to ear grin. While in my heart, I offered up a little prayer. “Oh LORD, I wish to thank You for my son Travis and for allowing him to take this grand journey by my side. I am so grateful for the way You are working through his little heart. His temperament is so unlike mine. He is a gentle server with a tremendous capacity to love others who's teaching me to be less boisterous and how not to judge. It amazes me how, through Your Spirit, Travis instantly sees the importance of every soul. He can’t wait to make another friend.

Sometimes, though, his sweet little heart fills with doubt. It pains my heart when Travis claims that he doesn’t have a spiritual gift. He says, “Am I going to heaven too Mommy? I don’t do all the things you do.” I try to assure him that I’ve never seen another child who walked before You more faithfully or with more wholehearted devotion.

Father in Heaven, Almighty God, my prayer today is for my son. I ask that You’d please assure Travis that he has found salvation by his belief in Your only Son, Jesus Christ. Show him that he is loved by You. And LORD, I pray that when You one day call us home to walk by Your side, that we’d go to heaven together. I ask this in Jesus’ name. Amen.”

July 12, 2012 My Personal Journal Entry: Falling for Satan's schemes. Lead me not into Temptation.

Righteous are You, LORD when I come to You, You let me speak with You about Your ways. Another day has come and gone. Unlike those days when I lay my head down feeling satisfied and victorious, tonight, my burdened heart won’t let me sleep. Instead, I am still awake, during these early morning hours, completely lost in thought.

Sovereign LORD, why do You allow the Prince of Darkness to use life’s circumstances to tempt me? Satan comes on so strong. He rushes me, frightens me and confuses me. And, I am so weak. I fall for his ways. Oh LORD, I feel that my behavior today has let You down. And, I am sorry.

 Our trailer’s air conditioning unit simply couldn’t keep up with the rising outside temperature. The main circuit breaker box kept tripping. Travis and I were starting to swelter inside our little home.

Then, ants. Everywhere! To sit down meant they’d crawl on you. The determined small insects had even taken over improbable places. Inside the fridge, green grapes were freckled with those pesky ants while the interruption of electricity caused our food to begin to spoil. Meanwhile, Raid Ant Killer hovered in the motionless hot air.

Outside, the trailer park servicemen posted flyers warning of baby rattlesnakes. One had just been killed just two campsites away after the snake bit LeeRoy’s coworker’s dog on the nose. I began to wonder, “Which is more dangerous, keeping my son and rescued Chihuahuas inside with the heat and poisonous pesticide or taking our chances outside with the Rattlers?” 

Despite all of this, I still had a job to do. Grocery shop for new dinner ingredients and wash the mounds of dirty laundry that were piling up. In between hanging foil over the windows and battling the fuse box, I tried my best to keep Travis and our small dogs cool while attempting my household chores.

 Around mid-day, I finally finished the clothes. I began to put the clothes into each small space. That’s when I discovered the little bottle! Instantly, the father of lies began to whisper in my ear, “What happened to the smooth, hassle free, even romantic transition you waited patiently for? Maybe your friends and family were right. You shouldn’t have come here.” With the clothes basket still in my grasp, I sat back on the bed. Beads of sweat dripped into my eyes. Tired, hot and vulnerable, I slumped over and began to cry. Then, in instant, I felt my heart fill with self-righteous anger. So, I stood back upon my feet, cast my laundry basket to the side and impulsively called my husband at work. With a very discouraging tone, I condemned him for not seeking help. Amazingly, LeeRoy responded with grace. He remained calm and even seemed to be humbled by my call.  

Within hours, I was left sorrowfully repenting for how I had acted. I began to pray, “Heavenly Father, I am sorry. I do believe that You are still at work in our lives.  Please help me to trust Your plan even when I can’t make sense of it. Please God, help me to remember that You deliberately chose LeeRoy to be my husband. Please help me to reverence him instead of seeing him as a threat.  Please, LORD, use my marriage to glorify Your holy name! I love You, Christ Jesus. Amen.”

July 7, 2012 My Personal Journal Entry: Taming my Christian Tongue for God's Sake

Dear Jesus, this heat is blistering! News reporters warn, “A dangerous heat wave is expected to hit parts of Southern California beginning Tuesday, bringing triple-digit temperatures to inland valley areas,” exactly where You’ve moved us. The outside thermometer reads, “106 degrees.” Our small built-in air conditioner is working overtime to keep up with the sweltering heat. And, as the temperature boils, I find myself struggling to keep my cool.  

It’s only mid-afternoon and I’ve completely forgotten how to tame my tongue. My poor young son! I’m picking on him about every little thing. Please, Jesus, use Your Spirit to calm my soul. I’m sorry I’ve chosen to waste this day by complaining. Help me, Lord, to be a reflection of Your love, especially to my young son, no matter my circumstances. In Your Holy Name. Amen." 

February 2, 2012 Journal Entry. Sometimes Ministry Keeps me TOO busy

Dear Father, the month of January rolled by much too quickly.  How easy it is to become incredibly busy, even with ministry! I praise and thank You for the many opportunities You have orchestrated in allowing me to share Your love with others. Yet, I must admit, I’ve missed You. In fact, it is only now while sitting here quietly at Your feet that I realize just how much. Today, I am just thankful for the opportunity to find rest at Your feet and to hear Your Word, spoken gently to my heart.  

December 25, 2011 Journal Entry. May God be glorified.

Happy Birthday, dear LORD Jesus! I know that today is not Your real birthday. Yet, I am so glad You came into this world to save us, whatever day that was. Truly, You are the Prince of Peace. And through You alone, peace has entered our home just as You promised.

The carpet made crunching sounds below my husband’s feet as he entered the living room. It was still very early in the morning when I peeled opened my eyes to find our new puppy curled up against my side.  During the wee morning hours, the small and insecure puppy must have followed me to the couch. I pulled our brand new, sweet little dog onto my chest and kissed her forehead. There’s something quite special about a newborn baby animal. My husband approached the two of us, bent down, and gave Bella and me a good morning kiss.  So as not to wake her, LeeRoy whispered, "Was I snoring too loud? When did you leave the bedroom?" I shook my head, smiled and replied, "Don't worry honey. It doesn't matter. Merry Christmas!"

Just then Travis bounded out to say, "Merry Christmas Mommy."  He leaned over, kissed our puppy and me and said, "Can I open my presents now?" I answered, "Not before we read God's Word." As fast as lightning, he ran to his room for a book called The Story of Christmas. I listened to the sweetness of his voice while he read the words of Luke, chapter two verses 1-16. Peace filled my soul. Halfway through the verses, our son stumbled upon the pronunciation of a few words. So, I offered to continue where he left off. At one point, I looked up from the page and glanced over my shoulder at my husband's intent face.  What an amazing gift to see his heart soft and vulnerable. After many years of being closed off, he now seemed opened to the real meaning of Christmas. When I had finished reading, our impatient son ran to his presents while I dragged myself off the couch and went to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. Right away, I noticed the sound of two doves cooing outside our kitchen window. I smiled as I was quickly reminded me of the presence of Your Holy Spirit.

Soon, the sound of flying wrapping paper balls and laughter drowned out the coffee maker and cooing doves. My heart called me to the living room where I snapped a few pictures before excusing myself to spend some quiet alone time with You. Soon, a few scriptures were leaping off the pages as Your Spirit quietly whispered to my heart. Peace had come finally come and settled into our home like a welcome rain after a long drought.
I returned to the living room where I found a pile of presents created by LeeRoy and Travis. Wide-eyed, they watched as I opened each special gift. The first present was a very fragile small glass vial wrapped in construction paper and black duct tape. A homemade card read, "God loves us." I gently pulled the construction paper away as our son softly asked, "Do you remember what this was Mommy?" I replied, "Yes son, it’s the gold flakes you discovered when we went gold panning last year." Then he said the kindest words. "I wanted you to have the same gift as Jesus!" Blinking back the tears, I hugged my son tightly before opening my other gifts. A bible, coffee, and a coffee maker! I thought to myself, “These gifts are all encompassing LORD. They cause me to find hope in the thought that You're watching over me and that all You want for me is good. And, LORD, I just want to thank You for this special moment. Through the hearts of my husband and son, I am able to see a glimpse of Your love for me. All I really need is You, LORD. Thank You for drawing me close to You today. Through Jesus, I pray. Amen.

July 25, 2011 Journal Entry. Who am I that You should count me worthy to serve You?

Father God, as I sit here today, Your Word resting in my hands, I begin to wonder, “Who am I that You should count me worthy to serve You?” Your holiness is beyond comprehension.  When I compare myself to the character of Your Son Jesus, I feel unfit for service. I know that Your Word says that Your Spirit dwells within me. And, therefore, I can do all things. But, sometimes, insecurity plagues my heart. I am reminded of my life before You and suddenly, my heart fills with sadness. Sovereign LORD, You are my strength, my joy, and my heart. Please, Father; give me the courage to face my doubts and fears today. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen. 

July 9, 2011 Journal Entry. Sometimes this world in which we live is difficult to navigate.

Tender Shepherd, I hardly wait for these quiet moments alone by Your side. Thank You for teaching me Your truth and bringing me into an intimate relationship with You. The more time I spend with You, Jesus, the more my heart falls in love. Oh LORD, thank You for Your glorious plan for my life and for that precious jail cell where I first met You. What an unlikely place for my heart to finally soften, my conscience to be alarmed and to first believe!

I must say, so far, You’ve truly been everything Your Word promised You’d be. Learning to see this world through Your eyes sure is an unbelievable experience. Sometimes this world in which we live is difficult to navigate. Yet, knowing that You are with me and that I’m never alone, provides my heart with hope. Perhaps that’s why, I am even more convinced that “neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate me from the love of God which is in You, Christ Jesus my Lord.” (Romans 8:28-29). 

Dusting off my Journal!

On October 20, 2008, I found myself at life’s great crossroad. To the left, a wide and familiar path filled with the hustle and bustle of many travelers. To the right, a narrow road less traveled that would lead me to places beyond my greatest imagination. 

In the flash of a second, I'd make a decision. I'd leave the life I was comfortable with to take the road less traveled. With every step, I would walk on the heels of my new Savior, Jesus Christ. And, even though I'd soon discover just how difficult the Christian walk is, I'd also find the peace that comes from knowing that the Author of Creation was always with me. 

For over eight years, God has written stories on my heart. I pray that each of these journal entries demonstrates His guidance, intervention, and power in the life of a lowly believer. Thank you for taking this journey with me. I'll be praying for you!