October 3, 2013: My Personal Journal Entry: Being a Christian Means being Rejected by Others

                                                                                     

Father God on high, Holy One of Israel, as You already know and knew before it occurred; this past week was an emotionally painful one. In many ways, I am still learning what it means to have a softened and vulnerable heart. It seems to me that having a heart that sincerely and deeply loves others and is able to quickly connect on a soul to soul level comes with a great price. Being tenderhearted, slow to speak, and always having the other person's best interest at heart, can mean that the cutting words from others can leave you feeling deeply wounded. That’s why today LORD, I find myself running to Your side for healing, reassurance, and comfort.

This past week Jesus, You led me to the side of several prideful unbelievers. One day, Your Spirit led me to reach out to an elderly man who had just collided his car into his trailer hitch. The moment I glanced out of our trailer kitchen window and noticed the stranger, the outside temperature was exceeding 100+ degrees. Seeing his red face, I quickly brought the man a cold glass of water in my favorite coca cola glass. Right away, the stranger thanked me and commented about how much he loved that silly vintage green glass. After a few moments of light pleasantries, I asked if I could bring him anything else. The man responded, “Well, I’m diabetic and I have not yet eaten anything today.” That’s when I excused myself and ran back to our trailer to prepare a subway sandwich for him. I delivered the sandwich to man and then offered to check in with him in a few days. Before returning to our trailer a second time, the man graciously thanked me again.  

A few days later, I kept my word and walked over to the man’s campsite. Along with me, I brought a half dozen brand new green glass coca cola mugs. Knock, knock, knock. The man answered the door right away. I handed him the glassware and then immediately, began to share my testimony. As I spoke, I noticed a change in his disposition. When I finished sharing my story, the man began to speak about how he was once part of the Franciscan Christian brotherhood. Then, he shared how he had walked away from Christianity and proudly announced how he, without the help of anyone else, had become a millionaire. Afterward, he smugly began to put me down, calling me “stupid,” for how I had chosen to spend Your money on him. At that point, I simply bowed my head and humbly walked away feeling dejected.

Around this same time, another man approached my son, Travis, and began to question him about the cross that hangs upon our trailer. Alarmed, Travis ran into to tell me about how this stranger had approached him. Soon, I too was standing face to face with the brazen man who identified himself as a Jehovah’s witness. Within minutes, it had become clear, that he had no intention of hearing what I believed. Instead, he simply seemed enraged that I didn’t believe what he believed.  That day, I left this stranger’s side feeling shaken and flushed with a heat rash that extended from the bottom of chest to the top of my head. Even my ears felt hot. LORD, it is hard not to respond when insults are hurled at me. I desperately wanted to fight back! Once again, I remained quiet and humbly walked away. 

Also this week, family members grew very angry with me. In one conversation, I suggested that one particular member end a 20-year family feud by offering the other side grace and forgiveness. Instantly, two decades of bitterness and wrath was ignited again. This time, the ball of fury was hurled straight at me.

Meanwhile, the tension in our own home continued to mount as my husband attempted to distance himself from me and anything having to do with Christianity.  

Today, I find myself wrestling with the ugly effects of abandonment and rejection and the deeps wounds that, for me, started at such a young age. I am trying to make sense of how You are using being cast aside by others to shape my heart. When several people all at once, swiftly verbally attack me or disengage and disconnect, a very personal battle begins to rage deep within me. I begin to fight the desire to raise those old protective walls. And, I have to battle thoughts that tell me to find a false sense of strength and safety in doing things my way.  Your Spirit, on the other hand, assures me that if I courageously turn to You for strength, I can fight against those painful feelings caused by being discarded.
LORD, deep down, I know that YOU will never leave me or forsake me. Your Word tells me that being a Christian means I will have to suffer. Yet, I know that You are good. Please use trials such as these to teach me to become even more devoted to You. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

A Heavenly Inheritance

^“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith—the salvation of your souls.” 1 Peter 3:9 (NKJV)