January 6, 2013: Unequally Yolked, Fighting Addiction, Loving God through Your Marriage

            Precious Redeemer and Friend, as I sit here with Your Word open upon my lap, I think about my marriage to LeeRoy. I wonder, “Will my husband will ever truly repent? Will he ever get sober? Oh LORD, Your Word tells me not to be discouraged. Please help me. I need You now.”

Later on
While driving our youngest son to school,  I noticed a bright and unnatural light shining in the distance. Curious about the origins of the light, I vowed to return. Therefore, on the way home, I drove to where the light still shined. After I pulled into the parking lot and had parked my car, I approached the first man I saw. The man appeared to be a security guard of some sort. He was dressed in warm and cozy clothing and covered in a reflective jacket. Without hesitation, I walked straight up to the man. Right away, I began to share my heart. "I am not sure why God has led me to you. Perhaps I am to share my story." Then, I shared my personal testimony with the man.

The man just stared at me with a perplexed look on his face. So, I continued to share my heart. “You see, my husband continues to abuse prescription medications. It’s affecting our family.” Suddenly it began to rain. Then, something very odd happened. An overpowering smell of incense filled the air where we both stood. The smell was very strong! For a moment, I stood in silence to try to make sense of all that was happening. While the sweet aroma engulfed me, my heart welled with painful thoughts of the state of my marriage. All the while, cold rain dripped on my sandals below. My toes began to sting.  

In my silence, the man began to speak. It took me a moment to comprehend what he was saying. When I realized he was quoting Scripture after Scripture in Spanish my heart started to warm. One particular Scripture began swirling in my head. Matthew 16:24 "Take up your cross and follow me." The man quoted.

 Then in English, he softly said, "Take the chains off your husband and let the Holy Spirit convict his heart. In God's timing, he will come to the Lord." He continued. "You must remember that you are walking in the light, and your husband is still in darkness. The only way that your husband will want to follow you, is if you show him grace." ^[1] At this point, I stopped the man and asked if he happened to be a Pastor. "Yes," the man said, "I'm a Spanish Pastor at the First Southern Baptist Church in Lancaster." I began to giggle as I thought out loud, "Of course You’d use a spotlight to guide me to a Pastor who would lead me to Your Truth."

 Afterward, I thanked the man for allowing Your Spirit to use him to speak directly to my heart. Then, he offered to say a prayer for me and my husband. I bowed my head and tried not to cry. But, with each word he spoke, I felt Your Spirit convict my heart. The tears began to flow as the fear that had held a grip on me disappeared and forgiveness made its way back in.

I returned to my car the moment he finished praying. Then, as I drove home, I turned on the radio. On a local Christian radio station, a song caught my attention. I immediately began to cry when the artist sang,

“So stand in the rain

Stand your ground

Stand up when it's all crashing down

You stand through the pain

You won't drown

And one day, what's lost can be found.

You stand in the rain." ^[2]

---

[1] 1 John 3:19-20 “And hereby we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before him. For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things.” (KJV)

[2] “Stand in the Rain.” By Superchick. http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/superchick/standintherain.html 

We're Unequally Yolked! Now what?

One cannot bring a person to God any faster than 

the Lord prepares them to accept His instruction!

Matthew 22:37 ^“Jesus said to him, ‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ ” (NKJV)

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” (NKJV)

           

In December 2008, my husband continued his abuse of prescription drugs, so I decided to move out of our home and into an apartment with our youngest son. Three years later, we are still married, yet, in many ways, we have remained separate individuals. We still live under separate roofs, have separate bank accounts and worship the Lord in our own personal ways.  

            Also, in 2008, I watched as my husband fell to his knees and accepted Jesus Christ into his heart. At the time, I had recently accepted the Lord too. We were both just beginning to surrender our separate wills to God.  Since then, my faith has grown immensely. First, God orchestrated my enrollment and graduation from a Seminarian program. Next, I was baptized. Then later, God led me to write and publish a book about my repentance and utter surrender to Jesus Christ. Over the past three years, my walk with Christ has felt more like a run at top speed! In comparison, my husband’s walk has been more methodical and seemingly cautious. So, I wait patiently, sometimes impatiently, for my husband to catch up.

What makes this situation difficult is the imbalance of emotions I feel towards God and my husband. Over the past three years, I have relied on the Lord for strength and help during trials. In doing so, I often share my innermost personal thoughts with the Lord rather than my husband. It is the Lord’s comfort and warm embrace I have come to depend on.  I have often failed to allow my husband the same access to my heart as I have my Lord and Savior. I pray that during the next part of my journey, I will learn how to become a loving encourager and friend to my husband as well.

MY WAYS ARE NOT HIS WAYS

Constant physical separation within a family causes each to develop individual routines in the absence of the other partner.

While my husband works away from the home for long periods at a time, our youngest son and I have settled into a comfortable routine. We begin each morning the same way.  I wake up a few minutes before he does, make a cup of coffee and read a chapter in my bible. Then, I wake him up and he scurries off to school. When he returns home, we eat a snack together, complete his homework and watch his favorite cartoons. Throughout the day, my son and I often suddenly stop to pray for someone God places on our hearts.

At night, we dance our favorite dance down the hall towards his room. We say our nightly prayers and then I kiss and tuck him into bed. When I read Scripture to our son, I try to explain God’s purpose behind His Word. Sometimes, God will bring His Word to life in a beautiful way that inspires wonder and joy. During these moments our young son and I praise God! Over the past three years, the two of us have experienced many exceptionally lovely moments together with God.

Sometimes a visit by my husband can upset this daily routine.  During one recent visit, our young son approached me after returning from day of golf with his father.  My husband had become angry on the golf course and had used foul language. Our son, not knowing many profane words, was stunned. He said, “Mommy, Daddy said two bad words today.” My husband, who was standing nearby, remarked, “And I told you that you didn’t hear those words.” Our young son, so astute, then said, “Now, are you asking me to lie?” Rather than speak to my husband in private, I immediately and outspokenly sided with our seven-year-old and belittled my husband for his improper example. 

Then, there are those other times when I try to remain altogether humble, kind and gentle through a rough weekend visit. During these times, I ask God to help me bear with my husband in love (Eph 4:2). One day I learned that my husband had lied to receive a refund on his income taxes. Rather than make him feel worse, I simply asked, “What can I do to help?” Then, I said, “I have some money that I can pull off of a credit card to assist you in a payment if you would like.” While he politely refused, I could tell that he was thankful for the compassion I had offered. In moments like these, I often pray out of desperation to God regarding my marriage. I ask God, “With all that I went through, why hasn’t my husband fully surrendered to Your will yet?”  In response, God softly reminds me that He is God and that His thoughts are not my thoughts, nor are my ways, His ways!

  He said, “The homeless man walked straight up to me and said, I want to enter your sober living program!” The speaker shared his reservations about admitting that particular man into his program. “He was older, had been on the street for fifteen years and I wondered if he could ever learn to fully accept sobriety.” I felt like God Himself was telling me one of His parables. Then the man said, “But as I stared at the aging man, I remembered something my father said to me once, ‘It’s never over with God’s Kingdom!’ So I admitted the man after 15 years of homelessness and the sixty-year-old man graduated from our sober living program, attended a bible college and is now a local Pastor.” “It is never too late for God’s Kingdom!” I thought. “Please Lord, lay a burden on my husband’s heart to seek help from a sober living program. And give me the strength and patience to wait on You.” Just then, one of my favorite worship songs began to play. Streams of tearful joy and hope ran down my face as I heard, “Strength will rise when we wait upon the Lord, wait upon the Lord, we will wait upon the Lord!”

Please share your thoughts in the comments section below! 

To read about the night that caused me to surrender to God's Will, 

please go to: http://dlouyoung.blogspot.com/p/store.html