Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV)
Sometimes, I feel regret for spending over 30 years of my life as a distrustful and guarded woman who refused to surrender to the will of anyone, even God. Other times, I find myself pondering what it took for me to finally accept God's mighty existence. But mostly, I feel grateful for the day I chose to surrender to God's will!
For much of my life, I brought upon myself needless years of pain. I had unknowingly forfeited the feeling of peace. Each time I thought, "I know it's wrong, but I don't care," I would find myself falling away from the right path. Then, to escape the resulting feeling of failure and despair, I would resolve to change my ways. On New Year's Eve, I would commit to no longer partying, overeating, over spending or keeping companionship with the wrong man. I would say, "This New Year, will bring new hope!" However, even before the month of January would end, I would miss the mark.
It was until I was arrested at age 38 that I was finally willing to accept that my life was out of control. http://dlouyoung.blogspot.com/p/my-personal-testimony.html. Until that time, I was able to convince myself and others that I had it all together. Now, for the first time, I had a choice to make. I could either change my mind, heart and attitude and make a 180 degree turn from what I was doing, or I could retain my stubbornness and pride and continue to live a life of confusion and despair.
I was tired of choosing not to see what was in front of me and being made to feel instead! It was time for a sincere New Year's Resolution. Fighting those internal desires of constantly doing what was wrong, was making me feel miserable. I needed to be rescued; mainly from myself and the many years of bad decisions I had made. I needed once and for all to stop rejecting God and disobeying His commands. I needed a new life and I was willing to do whatever it took to achieve one. http://dlouyoung.blogspot.com/2011/10/what-does-it-really-mean-to-repent.html
First, I took some time to learn God's message to man. What relief I felt in discovering the Good News about Christ's purpose on earth! http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+3%3A16&version=NIV. Next, I told myself I was worthy of someone dying for me. This was hard to accept after all that the years of suffering and confusion. Yet, once my soul found its worth, my heart was filled with feelings of love and grace.So on January 1, 2009, my New Year's Resolution was to obey my quiet inner voice that distinguished between right and wrong. This became a life changing decision that offered mercy, protection, comfort and returned to me that lost feeling of peace.
For the past two years, I kept that same resolution. As a result, I have come alive spiritually and feel as though I have been given a new life. Therefore this year, when I make my New Year's Resolution, it won't be to lose weight, save money, or stop a bad habit. Instead, I will resolve to become closer to God and walk more in His Ways!