Over the past year, I had confronted my husband regarding several issues in our marriage. Each time he overspent, chose his work over his family, or was caught in another lie, I shared my pain and frustration with him. Most of the time, my husband apologized and committed himself to changing his hurtful behavior. With an understanding of God’s values for marriage, I was determined to make mine work! Time and time again, I convinced myself that I was choosing to follow Jesus’ example by offering him forgiveness.
However this time, for some unknown reason to me, my feelings of pain and frustration consumed me. One night in a heated argument regarding the lies I had currently been told, I gave my husband an ultimatum. “Either get help for your addiction, or have the compassion to once and for all let us go!” I never could have anticipated that in his anger, my husband would respond the way he did. He said, “Honey, I just don’t want to be married anymore.” Those sudden and cruel words left me feeling pure anguish. I started to sob!
Later, after I tucked our young son into bed then crawled into bed alone, I started to blame myself for my failed marriage. Doubt overwhelmed me. My heart ached! My husband’s rejection and the idea of becoming a single-mother caused a type of anxiety I hadn’t expected. Pain overwhelmed me and the tears began to flow. How could I have repeated the same story of my parents? I wept!
The next day, I allowed the idea of divorce to sink in. I felt the pain. Then with every ounce of compassion I could muster, I carefully packed my husband’s uniforms and other scattered belongings in plastic containers. All the while I prayed, “Lord, thank You for the trails I have experienced with my husband. Without the trials, I may never have fully accepted the gift of Your love. Please hold me close. I need Your loving embrace through this difficult time!”
I acted on the urge to reach out to my church Pastor, a godly man who had prayed for my struggling marriage for over three years. My Pastor prayed with me over the phone. He prayed for God to provide me with heavenly discernment and strength. His words brought me comfort and soothed my hurting soul. After only a few more hours, I was determined to obey God’s will, come what may!
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To read my personal testimony please go to: http://dlouyoung.blogspot.com/p/store.html