July 16, 2012: My Personal Journal Entry: When God called my name, I said, "Here I am LORD, send me."

Father God, a few days ago, I received a prayer chain email from my Pastor’s wife back home. “Please pray for this particular church member. He was in a tragic house fire and is in critical condition.” All it took was the mention of this man’s name to cause me to shy away.  I am not sure why, but this man and I had never quite hit it off. Sparse conversations had often left me feeling uneasy. That’s why, praying for him now with a sincere heart, would truly be challenging. I paused, scratched the side of my face and wondered, “What should I pray for?” I knew had to lay my personal feelings aside. But, I was struggling. By now, a few of my fingers had settled on my lips while my thumb pressing in on one cheek. Then, with a deep breath I powered through. In my heart I whispered to the LORD, “Please Jesus, help this hurting man. Take away his pain. Please, LORD Jesus! In Your holy name, Amen.”  There were no tears, just a quick moment filled with compassion. A quicker prayer than normal. Then, a few days passed by without a giving the situation a second thought.

That was until today when something unbelievable happened. For the first time ever, I heard You speak my name. I had just jumped in the shower. Suds piled upon my head. My eyes were closed when I heard, “ Donna, Donna.” Immediately, I felt taken aback. Your voice was powerful and instantly commanded my full attention. It was inaudible, yet unmistakable!

The sound of my name was followed by a quiet thought that seemed to just pop in my head. “Go see him. He is waiting for you!” I knew right away who You meant. You wanted me to visit the church member who was suffering in that burn center. Just then, the soap began to burn my eyes. I squinted, while reaching for a washcloth and replying out loud, “I don’t quite see Your plan here LORD.”

Then, while rinsing my eyes, I found myself retreating into my own thoughts. “Why me Jesus? Surely, there are people who love this particular man who are more suited to pay him a visit.”  I reasoned. That’s when Your call repeated in my mind. “Donna, Donna. Go.” Setting all my feelings aside, I said, “Here I am Lord. Send me.”