Jul 17, 2017

July 12, 2012 My Personal Journal Entry: Falling for Satan's schemes. Lead me not into Temptation.

Righteous are You, LORD when I come to You, You let me speak with You about Your ways. Another day has come and gone. Unlike those days when I lay my head down feeling satisfied and victorious, tonight, my burdened heart won’t let me sleep. Instead, I am still awake, during these early morning hours, completely lost in thought.
Sovereign LORD, why do You allow the Prince of Darkness to use life’s circumstances to tempt me? Satan comes on so strong. He rushes me, frightens me and confuses me. And, I am so weak. I fall for his ways. Oh LORD, I feel that my behavior today has let You down. And, I am sorry.
 Our trailer’s air conditioning unit simply couldn’t keep up with the rising outside temperature. The main circuit breaker box kept tripping. Travis and I were starting to swelter inside our little home.
Then, ants. Everywhere! To sit down meant they’d crawl on you. The determined small insects had even taken over improbable places. Inside the fridge, green grapes were freckled with those pesky ants while the interruption of electricity caused our food to begin to spoil. Meanwhile, Raid Ant Killer hovered in the motionless hot air.
Outside, the trailer park servicemen posted flyers warning of baby rattlesnakes. One had just been killed just two campsites away after the snake bit LeeRoy’s coworker’s dog on the nose. I began to wonder, “Which is more dangerous, keeping my son and rescued Chihuahuas inside with the heat and poisonous pesticide or taking our chances outside with the Rattlers?” 
Despite all of this, I still had a job to do. Grocery shop for new dinner ingredients and wash the mounds of dirty laundry that were piling up. In between hanging foil over the windows and battling the fuse box, I tried my best to keep Travis and our small dogs cool while attempting my household chores.
 Around mid-day, I finally finished the clothes. I began to put the clothes into each small space. That’s when I discovered the little bottle! Instantly, the father of lies began to whisper in my ear, “What happened to the smooth, hassle free, even romantic transition you waited patiently for? Maybe your friends and family were right. You shouldn’t have come here.” With the clothes basket still in my grasp, I sat back on the bed. Beads of sweat dripped into my eyes. Tired, hot and vulnerable, I slumped over and began to cry. Then, in instant, I felt my heart fill with self-righteous anger. So, I stood back upon my feet, cast my laundry basket to the side and impulsively called my husband at work. With a very discouraging tone, I condemned him for not seeking help. Amazingly, LeeRoy responded with grace. He remained calm and even seemed to be humbled by my call.  

Within hours, I was left sorrowfully repenting for how I had acted. I began to pray, “Heavenly Father, I am sorry. I do believe that You are still at work in our lives.  Please help me to trust Your plan even when I can’t make sense of it. Please God, help me to remember that You deliberately chose LeeRoy to be my husband. Please help me to reverence him instead of seeing him as a threat.  Please, LORD, use my marriage to glorify Your holy name! I love You, Christ Jesus. Amen.”
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