October 3, 2011 Journal. Not allowing Evil to have the last Word.

         Almighty and everlasting Father, thank You for using me today for Your glory. The events of the past 12 hours still have me pondering in awe and wonder.

        My day started with some tidying up our little apartment. That’s when I turned on the television to listen to the local news and a particular story caught my attention. A local woman had sadly become a victim of a hate crime.  Right away, I found myself sitting down in front of the television listening to the reporter share the awful details of her story.  My heart filled with compassion while my head began to shake sorrowfully from side to side.

      “Four young men and one woman who identified themselves as “skinheads” had stolen an eleven-foot wooden cross from a local Lutheran church. The group hatefully burned the cross on the front lawn to frighten the African American woman.” The reporter said.  “Imagine the pain!” I thought. “Perhaps I should share my story of hope with the woman so that she knows You are with her through the fearful darkness of the evil one.”

       I began to pray and suddenly felt an urge to go to the local Bible store to purchase a gift for the woman to encourage her. “I know just what I’ll write in the card that I’ll include with her gift. ‘God is with you!’ ”I thought.

      You surprised me in the bookstore LORD when during my conversation with the clerk, another customer approached me. Apparently, the man had been listening to our discussion and seemed to know just what might touch the heart of this particular woman. The man spared no time in walking straight to a wall plaque with Psalm 121:8 written on it.  Then, he handed the plaque to me. We began to read the words together out loud. “The LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in from this time forth, and even forevermore.” My eyes welled with tears. You, my LORD, had chosen the perfect gift!

       Next, the man and I began to talk for a while. I shared with him my testimony and he shared his. "I was a Jew,” the man said. “But, an unfaithful one,” he added.  Then, he told me about the day Jesus grabbed hold of his heart.

       I enjoyed listening to the man as he worshiped You with his words. At one point, I felt caught up in his steadfast sense of devotion. Were You using this man to conquer that feeling of personal doubt I had been experiencing? For days, I had been wondering whether I was truly doing Your will. Now, I was sharing my confusion with a complete stranger. “I wonder if I am doing enough. I just wake up in the morning and wait for direction from the Holy Spirit.  Maybe I am supposed to be working with a ministry instead. Perhaps God would rather me work in a paid position with an organization.” The man simply smiled and softly said, “Just keep doing what you are doing and don't worry about what comes next!” All of a sudden, my doubts and fears disappeared and my heart filled with excitement. I walked out of the Christian bookstore overjoyed and committed to demonstrating Your love to the afflicted woman.

       When I returned to my car, I paused for a moment realizing that I didn’t have an address to locate the woman’s home.  Suddenly, the picture of the woman’s home from the news broadcast flashed for a moment in my mind. Unbelievably, I was able to recall the name of the street. I started my car and drove to her street.  I found the house right away. It looked just like the picture from the news!

I anxiously pulled my car to the curb. My hands began to shake. They became wet with sweat. I signed the woman’s card and began to walk up the path to the front door. I knocked on the door for several minutes. I could still smell gasoline and charred wood lingering in the air.

       Finally, the door slowly opened. A young woman poked her head out to greet me. I felt bewildered when I noticed that she was Caucasian.

Confused, I asked, “Is this the home where the cross was set on fire?” The woman quietly shook her head “yes.” She replied, “But, they meant to hurt the woman next door. We just happened to have more space in our yard.”  I shared with her my intention to speak with the woman next door.  She then said, “They may not even be home. I think they moved this past weekend.”

        Still, certain that I was supposed to leave the gift, I walked next door and knocked on the woman’s screen door. Sadly, no one answered. So, I placed the gift bag against her screen door and walked back to my car. As I turned on the ignition, a particular song began to play on the radio. I burst into tears as the artist sang, “I will rise, out of these ashes rise, from this trouble I have found and this rubble on the ground, I will rise.”

         A quiet sense of gladness filled my heart. Thank You, LORD, for using me today! I love You! Goodnight.

"Here I am Lord, Send me."

Habakkuk 1:5 “Look among the nations and watch-Be utterly astounded! For I will work a work in your days Which you would not believe, though it were told you.” (NKJV)

One day, I received a prayer chain email from my Pastor’s wife. “Please pray for this particular church member. He was in a tragic house fire and is in critical condition.” I was bewildered! I immediately hung my head, closed my eyes and began to pray.  “Please Lord Jesus help this hurting man. Take away his pain. Please Lord Jesus! In Your holy name, Amen.”

A few days later, while preparing for the day, I began thinking about the man from church again. I started to consider the sovereignty of God. Unexpectedly, the Lord began to whisper to my heart. “Go see him.” He said. “He is waiting for you!” My mind began to question God’s intentions. “Why me? Why would God choose me to minister to this particular man?” I wondered. We weren’t very close to one another. Sure, we had attended the same church for several years and had even been baptized together, but somehow our relationship never surpassed surface level conversations.” A feeling of incredible doubt overwhelmed me! Yet, I stood silent and tried to allow my hesitant heart to remain open.  “Go!”  God said again with holy authority.

The next day, I felt an incredible urge to visit the man facing unimaginable pain. So, I called my Pastor’s wife to inquire of the man’s last name and the name of the burn center where he was being treated.  Then, I searched on line for directions to the hospital. Next, I shared my intentions with my seven-year-old son. My son knew exactly who the man was. Often after church services had ended, this same man spent time with my young son, usually inquiring about how he was managing without his father being present in our home. Naturally, when I shared my intentions to visit the man in the hospital, my son chose to accompany me.

We arrived at the hospital early mid-afternoon. As we walked through the entrance doors, I prayed, “Lord, please help me to do Your will.” Then, I grabbed my son’s hand. I looked at him and said, “I am not sure if children are allowed in the intensive care unit. You may have to wait outside the main doors.” However, when we arrived to the ICU, the nurse surprisingly welcomed us both inside. My son waited at the nurses’ station while I prepared to enter the man’s recovery room. A plastic blue stretchy hat, a matching gown and sterile gloves and I was “ready” to enter. I said, “Son, wait here and read your bible. I’ll be right back.”

I slowly walked over to the man’s bedside. I said, “_____, it’s Donna. Can you hear me?” The man rolled his eyes towards me. Our eyes met! My heart began to beat faster. I continued, “Travis is here too! We came to tell you that God is with you and we love you. I love you! I love you!” I was amazed at how the words “I love you continued to unconsciously pour out of me.”  The man’s chest rose higher and then dropped lower each time I repeated the phrase. He could hear me!

Next, I opened my bible. I let the pages fall as they may. They landed on Isaiah chapter 22. I began to read, though I didn’t understand. Isaiah 22? This wasn’t the comforting message that I had hoped to deliver! Yet, I knew in that moment that I was merely God’s instrument. So, I took a deep breath and prayed, “Rid me of myself Lord.”  I began to read each verse out loud. I read until verse 18 without hesitation.  However, when I began to read the words, “You shall die,” in verse 18, tears filled my eyes. I paused to pray. “Please Lord; don’t make me say these words.” “Read!” God said. “You shall die,” I said faintly. That’s when I started to feel faint.  So, I closed my bible and exited his private room. I thanked the two nurses. Then, I placed my cap and gown in the trash can.

Before we left, I shared a quick version of my personal testimony with the two nurses on duty. One of the nurses personally walked us to the exit. She said, “We bent the rules this time. So, don’t tell anyone he was allowed in.” Then, the nurse softly grabbed my hand. She said, “Pray for me too!” I promised her that I would and we walked to the elevator. As we walked down the hallway, my son excitedly announced, “I made a paper airplane and ate orange Jell-O, Mom.” Still in shock from all that had transpired, I remained quiet.

During the drive home, I decided to stop at my parents’ house. I needed to spiritually unload on my father, a strong believer in our Lord, Jesus Christ. I just knew he would understand the heartache was experiencing. But before we could exit the freeway near their home, my young son vomited all over the back seat of our car. Unbelievable! He hadn’t shown any signs of sickness prior to that moment. “I am so sorry Mommy.” He said, as he wiped his mouth. “I hate that guy! Satan I mean! Why does he have to pick on me?” I tried to comfort my son. “It is just a car. I’ll clean it up. Don’t worry Son!” I replied. Then, I cried out to God for help in preventing any more of Satan’s schemes.

A week passed and I hadn’t heard much about the man’s condition. Consequently, I was under the impression that he was improving. I began to share my heart with others. “Just imagine what his testimony will be like. I almost can’t wait for his complete recovery!” Around this time, I had a dream. In the dream, the wounded man appeared to me. Only now, he was wearing all white and his skin was restored.  When I reflected about the dream the next day, I rationalized that I was simply remembering how the man was dressed on the day of his baptism. “It was only a dream.” I thought.

Afterwards, God spoke to my heart a second time concerning the man. “Go see him.” God instructed. This time, without hesitation, I responded, “Here I am Lord! What shall I say?” Then, I opened my bible. Right away, the pages landed on Job chapter 19.  I began to read. Tears overflowing!

“For I know that my Redeemer lives,
And He shall stand at last on the earth;
And after my skin is destroyed, this I know,
That in my flesh I shall see God,” (Job 19:25-26).

Later on, I raced to the nearest department store and purchased a greeting card. I wrote those two verses in the card, dropped my son off at vacation bible school and drove to the hospital. This time, I was unable to personally see the man. He was in the middle of receiving a dressing change and I didn’t have enough time to wait for the nurses to finish. So, I handed the card to the nurse. She promised to read the card out loud to the man.

Sunday morning came only a few days later. Still new to the area we were living in I searched online for a nearby church to attend. As God would have it, I found a Calvary Chapel near our trailer park. The directions led us to a local elementary school. Excited, my young son and I drove to the school. However, we arrived only to read a sign with another church name written on it. “What do we do now?” I wondered.

I decided to return to the trailer and simply read God’s Word with my son. But on the way home, another church around the corner from the elementary school caught my eye. “Let’s give it a try.” I told my son. As we walked through the door, we were warmly welcomed inside. “I was looking for a Calvary church.” I said to one woman. She replied, “Oh, that’s us! We just changed our name.” Instantly, I felt at home.

My son walked with a purpose in his step to his new bible study class. Meanwhile, I was embraced several times by church members.  Next, I took my seat in the small and friendly church sanctuary. “We have an announcement.” The Pastor said. “Today, we have a guest speaker. He will be leading us through the book of Job.” My eyes welled with tears. Was God confirming His will? The guest Pastor began to speak. “Today my sermon will be on two specific verses, 25 and 26.” Tears overflowing!  
I few days later, I was completely shocked to learn that the man had passed away.  I instantly began to grieve. “I thought he was supposed to share his testimony Lord?”  I spent the next few days intentionally and deliberately reflecting on my heartbreak.  Each time I began to cry, God whispered peace into my soul. Then, God used others to speak to my broken heart. One person even said, “Maybe the man was lying in that hospital bed wondering, ‘Where are You Lord? Why have You done this to me?’ Then, you showed up and repeatedly said, “God is with you and I love you.” Incredible!  

Please share your thoughts in the comments section below!  

To read this author's personal testimony please go to: http://dlouyoung.blogspot.com/p/store.html

Where is God? Time to clean the showers!

“From the discouraging word to the healing word
Proverbs 15:4-6 A wholesome tongue is a tree of life,
But perverseness in it breaks the spirit.” (NKJV)

 “A dangerous heat wave is expected to hit parts of Southern California beginning Tuesday, bringing triple-digit temperatures to inland valley areas,” the news reporter warned. “That’s exactly where we are staying,” I thought. Soon, the outside t...hermometer read “106 degrees,” and our small built in air conditioner was working overtime to keep up with the soaring heat. Sadly for our 7-year-old as the temperature rose, so did my temper. By mid-afternoon, I had completely forgotten how to tame my tongue and was picking on my young son about every little thing.

Prior to October 2008, I never understood the power of words. I didn’t understand how a gentle word could encourage the soul or how a cruel word could devastate one’s spirit. While living an unholy life, I used words to express my anger, to discourage and to control others. But, by reading scripture, I had discovered how words of the righteous can influence, support and even win souls. So, why was I allowing a very hot day to change influence my attitude?

Earlier in the week, God had placed it on my heart to clean the restrooms of the RV Park where we were staying. Afterwards, I was supposed to share my testimony with the person who normally cleans the restrooms. Yet, instead of obeying prompting by the Holy Spirit, I chose to remain in stuck in the trailer affected by the heat and murmur and complain. By the end of the day, both my young and I were feeling choked up and moved to tears.

Consequently before bedtime, I bowed my head and tearfully prayed. "Please God, help me to be more like You, patient, slow to anger and kindhearted. Help me to serve You without hesitation. I want You to be honored in my home because of the virtues I personify. Help me Lord to be a reflection of Your love, especially to my young son. In Your Holy Name. Amen."

The next morning, my son and I began our day by reading the bible together. Instantly, peace mixed with the warm air of the trailer. Soon, I felt an uncontrollable urge to clean the restrooms on the site. So, I grabbed my cleaning material and walked across the grassy area to where the restrooms were located. I began to scrub. Almost immediately, salty sweat began to pour from my forehead. As the chemicals mixed with the muggy air, sweat stung my eyes. Still, I began to sing a song I heard in church a few days prior. “Bless the Lord oh my soul, oh my soul, worship His holy name… sing like never before, oh my soul, worship Your holy name, worship Your holy name.” Within a few hours, I had completed my task, not one scuff mark left behind!

Afterwards, I gathered my son. We went to the pool to cool off. Without delay God confirmed His presence in the form of two doves that circled only a few feet above our heads.  I wondered, "Is this divine acceptance of my act of obedience and song of worship?" Once again, I praised the Lord and promised that next time, I will act out of obedience with courage and confidence.  What a perfect day!

Please share your thoughts in the comments section below!

To read this author's personal testimony please go to: http://dlouyoung.blogspot.com/p/store.html

We're Unequally Yolked! Now what?

One cannot bring a person to God any faster than 

the Lord prepares them to accept His instruction!

Matthew 22:37 ^“Jesus said to him, ‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ ” (NKJV)

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” (NKJV)

           

In December 2008, my husband continued his abuse of prescription drugs, so I decided to move out of our home and into an apartment with our youngest son. Three years later, we are still married, yet, in many ways, we have remained separate individuals. We still live under separate roofs, have separate bank accounts and worship the Lord in our own personal ways.  

            Also, in 2008, I watched as my husband fell to his knees and accepted Jesus Christ into his heart. At the time, I had recently accepted the Lord too. We were both just beginning to surrender our separate wills to God.  Since then, my faith has grown immensely. First, God orchestrated my enrollment and graduation from a Seminarian program. Next, I was baptized. Then later, God led me to write and publish a book about my repentance and utter surrender to Jesus Christ. Over the past three years, my walk with Christ has felt more like a run at top speed! In comparison, my husband’s walk has been more methodical and seemingly cautious. So, I wait patiently, sometimes impatiently, for my husband to catch up.

What makes this situation difficult is the imbalance of emotions I feel towards God and my husband. Over the past three years, I have relied on the Lord for strength and help during trials. In doing so, I often share my innermost personal thoughts with the Lord rather than my husband. It is the Lord’s comfort and warm embrace I have come to depend on.  I have often failed to allow my husband the same access to my heart as I have my Lord and Savior. I pray that during the next part of my journey, I will learn how to become a loving encourager and friend to my husband as well.

MY WAYS ARE NOT HIS WAYS

Constant physical separation within a family causes each to develop individual routines in the absence of the other partner.

While my husband works away from the home for long periods at a time, our youngest son and I have settled into a comfortable routine. We begin each morning the same way.  I wake up a few minutes before he does, make a cup of coffee and read a chapter in my bible. Then, I wake him up and he scurries off to school. When he returns home, we eat a snack together, complete his homework and watch his favorite cartoons. Throughout the day, my son and I often suddenly stop to pray for someone God places on our hearts.

At night, we dance our favorite dance down the hall towards his room. We say our nightly prayers and then I kiss and tuck him into bed. When I read Scripture to our son, I try to explain God’s purpose behind His Word. Sometimes, God will bring His Word to life in a beautiful way that inspires wonder and joy. During these moments our young son and I praise God! Over the past three years, the two of us have experienced many exceptionally lovely moments together with God.

Sometimes a visit by my husband can upset this daily routine.  During one recent visit, our young son approached me after returning from day of golf with his father.  My husband had become angry on the golf course and had used foul language. Our son, not knowing many profane words, was stunned. He said, “Mommy, Daddy said two bad words today.” My husband, who was standing nearby, remarked, “And I told you that you didn’t hear those words.” Our young son, so astute, then said, “Now, are you asking me to lie?” Rather than speak to my husband in private, I immediately and outspokenly sided with our seven-year-old and belittled my husband for his improper example. 

Then, there are those other times when I try to remain altogether humble, kind and gentle through a rough weekend visit. During these times, I ask God to help me bear with my husband in love (Eph 4:2). One day I learned that my husband had lied to receive a refund on his income taxes. Rather than make him feel worse, I simply asked, “What can I do to help?” Then, I said, “I have some money that I can pull off of a credit card to assist you in a payment if you would like.” While he politely refused, I could tell that he was thankful for the compassion I had offered. In moments like these, I often pray out of desperation to God regarding my marriage. I ask God, “With all that I went through, why hasn’t my husband fully surrendered to Your will yet?”  In response, God softly reminds me that He is God and that His thoughts are not my thoughts, nor are my ways, His ways!

  He said, “The homeless man walked straight up to me and said, I want to enter your sober living program!” The speaker shared his reservations about admitting that particular man into his program. “He was older, had been on the street for fifteen years and I wondered if he could ever learn to fully accept sobriety.” I felt like God Himself was telling me one of His parables. Then the man said, “But as I stared at the aging man, I remembered something my father said to me once, ‘It’s never over with God’s Kingdom!’ So I admitted the man after 15 years of homelessness and the sixty-year-old man graduated from our sober living program, attended a bible college and is now a local Pastor.” “It is never too late for God’s Kingdom!” I thought. “Please Lord, lay a burden on my husband’s heart to seek help from a sober living program. And give me the strength and patience to wait on You.” Just then, one of my favorite worship songs began to play. Streams of tearful joy and hope ran down my face as I heard, “Strength will rise when we wait upon the Lord, wait upon the Lord, we will wait upon the Lord!”

Please share your thoughts in the comments section below! 

To read about the night that caused me to surrender to God's Will, 

please go to: http://dlouyoung.blogspot.com/p/store.html