September 6, 2012. My Personal Journal Entry: The Bible says not to Worry. Trusting God.

Father God, it has been two weeks since I first enrolled my son in the online Christian school. We’ve only had sparse contact with the Director and our son is still not in school. Public school has begun, and although I know Your Word tells me not to worry, still, I am feeling intense stress and conflict.

            Not to mention, our normally jovial seven-year-old has begun to act out. Perhaps, Travis is feeling sad that his friends back home have all started school without him. He appears to be feeling isolated and homesick.

Sadly, signs of Your peace gracing our new family home have all but disappeared. Even those glorious doves that ordinarily follow me around have flown away.  The atmosphere has changed from peaceful harmony to strife. Oh LORD, I’m doing my best to hide the pain. But, behind closed doors, I am fighting the sudden urge to weep. It is so difficult to not take back control. Please help me!

Today, I announced to my husband that I am going to fast and pray until You provide an answer one way or the other regarding our son’s education. “I’m going to fast too,” my husband unbelievably replied. We’ll begin our fast tomorrow.  It’s hard for me to patiently wait upon You, LORD. But, You are so patient with me! So, I will patiently wait for You. In Jesus' name. Amen."

July 10, 2012: My Personal Journal Entry: How can cleaning the restroom bring God glory?

Holy Father, thank You for this morning. While Travis and I read Your Word together, I felt Your love enter my heart. Feeling as though I might burst if I didn’t share it, I ran to You for my next task.

Without hesitation, I thought about the state of the bathrooms here at our new campsite. What a mess! Clogged toilets, empty shampoo bottles and used bars of soap wrapped in long strands of hair.

Despite the heat, I find myself feeling an uncontrollable urge to clean the restrooms. “Perhaps this is another opportunity to share Your love with someone?” I wonder. “I have seen an elderly man cleaning the restrooms early each morning. Maybe he’s in charge of restroom maintenance?  I’m sure he’d appreciate some help.” I think.

Later on

Dear Jesus, it only took a few hours to complete my task with not one scuff mark left behind!  Right after I had prayed to You this morning, I grabbed my cleaning materials and walked to the restrooms located in the grassy area. I began to scrub. Almost immediately, salty sweat began to pour from my forehead and sting my eyes. As the chemicals mixed with the muggy air, I remembered Your request to sing. I began to sing the one familiar song I had heard in church a few days prior. “Bless the Lord oh my soul, ooooh my soul, worship His holy name… sing like never before, oh my soul, worship Your holy name. I worship Your holy name.” While singing songs of praise to You, time passed by quickly.

After I had finished cleaning, I realized that I felt sticky and kind of gross, so I gathered my young son and went to the pool to cool off. Without delay, You confirmed Your presence in the form of two doves that circled only a few feet above our heads.

Right then and there, I hanged my head and quietly prayed. “Oh LORD, being in Your presence is truly an overwhelming experience. Thank You for allowing me to follow You today and for teaching me that all assignments, no matter how small they may appear, can be used for Your glory. I can’t wait for You to reveal how You opened the eyes of another through the cleaning of a restroom. Thank You for conveying Your love for me in counting me to worthy to serve You today. Amen.

June 13, 2012: My Personal Journey. Sharing the Grace of God over a piece of BBQ Corn on the Cob.

Dear Father God, today, I took my young son to a local place of attraction. Since I am not sure when we will be returning to our beloved hometown, I figure we should enjoy one of our favorite spots one last time.

As usual, we were excited to pull up to the country style barn. I could smell the sweet fresh baked pastries from the parking lot. At first, we followed the aroma straight towards the sweet shop. But along the way, I noticed that the barn happened to be selling BBQ-ed corn on the cob. Yum! We took a detour and found our place in line. When it was our turn to purchase the corn, out loud, I praised God. Suddenly, the man standing in line behind me smugly praised the Native Americans. But before his words could reach my heart, the vendor reached out to hand me my delicious treat, smiled and said, "Amen." I smiled. “Could he be a believer too?” I wondered.

We walked around the buildings for quite some time. We even ran into some dear friends from church. Later, we started to walk towards our car. All of a sudden, I felt compelled to approach the man selling corn a second time. So, I walked over to the corn stand. I shared my testimony with him. With tears in his eyes, the man shared that he had just lost his wife and home. I swallowed a long swallow! Afterward, the man said the sweetest thing. He said, "Today, I gained a sister in Christ." My eyes welled with tears as I humbly walk away. 
In my heart, I said a little prayer to You. "Dear God, with a trembling heart, I approach Your throne of grace. I know that I am not worthy to serve You. Yet, in Your mercy, somehow, You allow me to touch the hearts of others. LORD, Please accept my gratitude for using me today. In the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ, my Emmanuel. Amen." 

February 4, 2012 Journal Entry. How God reunited me with my Dad after a 23-yr estrangement

Wonderful, Glorious God, I woke up this morning and immediately glanced at my prayer board. Underneath the puffy cloud shaped “John 3:16,” I noticed my biological dad’s name. I smiled as I contemplated another reason to praise Your name.

 As You know, it’s been just under two years since You first reunited me with the man I called “Dad” as a child. I am still amazed at how rapidly and effortlessly we connected after not having spoken one word to each other for 23 years. I am convinced that it was You Who orchestrated that treasured moment.

One day, a thought popped into my head. “Your dad is probably on Facebook.” All I had to do was type his name on the computer screen before I found myself staring at my estranged biological dad’s picture online. The ease of finding him after all the failed attempts throughout the years is mind boggling.

In that very moment, I reached out to him. Over the computer, I wrote a few lines at best. He immediately responded. Soon, we were on the phone chit chatting and making up lost time. I was amazed to hear that he had experienced a heart attack just a few months prior. I wonder, “Was I sent to proclaim the Gospel to him?” What perfect timing!

Like all the others You had led me to before, my biological dad did not know You. Perhaps that is why You seemed to waste no time in displaying Your power and might.

 I remember one particular moment well. It arose from a light banter email. I had inquired about the weather conditions in my dad’s home state.  I asked, “How are you doing? Any snow?” As usual, he replied with a quipping remark, “Snow?  Right now, it’s 88 degrees and sunshine.  The coldest we have had is two days under freezing around 5 AM in the morning.  I think the last time we had any measurable snow was last year, so we are good for another 29 years.” 

I laughed at his sarcasm. Then I thought, “What if I prayed for snow? Surely, then he’d believe in You.”  So, I prayed, “Loving Father and loyal friend, my dad doesn’t seem to know You. Could You please make it snow in his hometown? I do not pray this for my glory, but so that he may come to know You as I have. Through Jesus, I pray. Amen.”

A few days later, I received another email from my biological dad which said, “Well, I guess that He is making His presence known in a way that can't be ignored. The forecast was for a light dusting of snow, but as you can see in the pictures, it’s not that light.  Haven't seen something like this in Texas in the last 20 years, and from what I understand from the weather reports, we are due for more of the same next week.  I realize that I am stubborn about some things, but I don't believe He needed to go to this extreme to make His presence known in my life. In view of what has happened over the last few months, the many changes, our connection, and the uncertain future, I can believe that I cannot do anything alone anymore.”

I began to cry as my soul immediately responded to his yielding heart. In fact, I fell to my knees, bowed in humble adoration, and began to weep. You are a mighty Father! What a glorious God I serve!

November 24, 2011 Journal Entry. Another reason to be thankful to God.

Happy Thanksgiving Eternal Father! This morning, I woke to the following thoughts. “I am so grateful for You and all that You have done for me LORD. I am most thankful for October 20, 2008; the day You saved a wretch like me! I am in awe of You and I adore You! I can’t wait to spend this day in Your presence. I know now that everything else in this life pales in comparison to You. Bring glory to Your name today LORD. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.”

And, now as I lay my head down to sleep, I begin to reflect upon the entire day. Once again, my heart fills with gratitude. Thank You, Father, for the wonderful Thanksgiving Day feast! I truly enjoyed spending our meal as a family and with LeeRoy’s coworkers. Not to mention, the meal You planned for us was one of, no, was the tastiest, turkey meals I have ever eaten! I am so grateful I didn’t have to spend the day on my feet cooking and cleaning as usual. What a wonderful and perfect gift. I am yet again overwhelmed by Your goodness! 

October 3, 2011 Journal. Not allowing Evil to have the last Word.

         Almighty and everlasting Father, thank You for using me today for Your glory. The events of the past 12 hours still have me pondering in awe and wonder.

        My day started with some tidying up our little apartment. That’s when I turned on the television to listen to the local news and a particular story caught my attention. A local woman had sadly become a victim of a hate crime.  Right away, I found myself sitting down in front of the television listening to the reporter share the awful details of her story.  My heart filled with compassion while my head began to shake sorrowfully from side to side.

      “Four young men and one woman who identified themselves as “skinheads” had stolen an eleven-foot wooden cross from a local Lutheran church. The group hatefully burned the cross on the front lawn to frighten the African American woman.” The reporter said.  “Imagine the pain!” I thought. “Perhaps I should share my story of hope with the woman so that she knows You are with her through the fearful darkness of the evil one.”

       I began to pray and suddenly felt an urge to go to the local Bible store to purchase a gift for the woman to encourage her. “I know just what I’ll write in the card that I’ll include with her gift. ‘God is with you!’ ”I thought.

      You surprised me in the bookstore LORD when during my conversation with the clerk, another customer approached me. Apparently, the man had been listening to our discussion and seemed to know just what might touch the heart of this particular woman. The man spared no time in walking straight to a wall plaque with Psalm 121:8 written on it.  Then, he handed the plaque to me. We began to read the words together out loud. “The LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in from this time forth, and even forevermore.” My eyes welled with tears. You, my LORD, had chosen the perfect gift!

       Next, the man and I began to talk for a while. I shared with him my testimony and he shared his. "I was a Jew,” the man said. “But, an unfaithful one,” he added.  Then, he told me about the day Jesus grabbed hold of his heart.

       I enjoyed listening to the man as he worshiped You with his words. At one point, I felt caught up in his steadfast sense of devotion. Were You using this man to conquer that feeling of personal doubt I had been experiencing? For days, I had been wondering whether I was truly doing Your will. Now, I was sharing my confusion with a complete stranger. “I wonder if I am doing enough. I just wake up in the morning and wait for direction from the Holy Spirit.  Maybe I am supposed to be working with a ministry instead. Perhaps God would rather me work in a paid position with an organization.” The man simply smiled and softly said, “Just keep doing what you are doing and don't worry about what comes next!” All of a sudden, my doubts and fears disappeared and my heart filled with excitement. I walked out of the Christian bookstore overjoyed and committed to demonstrating Your love to the afflicted woman.

       When I returned to my car, I paused for a moment realizing that I didn’t have an address to locate the woman’s home.  Suddenly, the picture of the woman’s home from the news broadcast flashed for a moment in my mind. Unbelievably, I was able to recall the name of the street. I started my car and drove to her street.  I found the house right away. It looked just like the picture from the news!

I anxiously pulled my car to the curb. My hands began to shake. They became wet with sweat. I signed the woman’s card and began to walk up the path to the front door. I knocked on the door for several minutes. I could still smell gasoline and charred wood lingering in the air.

       Finally, the door slowly opened. A young woman poked her head out to greet me. I felt bewildered when I noticed that she was Caucasian.

Confused, I asked, “Is this the home where the cross was set on fire?” The woman quietly shook her head “yes.” She replied, “But, they meant to hurt the woman next door. We just happened to have more space in our yard.”  I shared with her my intention to speak with the woman next door.  She then said, “They may not even be home. I think they moved this past weekend.”

        Still, certain that I was supposed to leave the gift, I walked next door and knocked on the woman’s screen door. Sadly, no one answered. So, I placed the gift bag against her screen door and walked back to my car. As I turned on the ignition, a particular song began to play on the radio. I burst into tears as the artist sang, “I will rise, out of these ashes rise, from this trouble I have found and this rubble on the ground, I will rise.”

         A quiet sense of gladness filled my heart. Thank You, LORD, for using me today! I love You! Goodnight.

August 7, 2011 Journal Entry. God pays my unpaid bills.

Heavenly Father, thank You for being such a wonderful provider. How could I have known that You’d answer my prayer in such a glorious way? It was only six months ago when I quit my long career in Social Work to walk by Your side full-time.  At the time, I had no idea how You’d provide financially. I simply followed what I believed You were instructing me to do through Your Word. Unbelievably, You laid it upon my husband’s heart to pay all of my household bills for the first time in our marriage. What an incredible blessing, especially since this means he is paying for two separate rentals. I am still praying that You will reunite us under the same roof someday soon.

As I find rest in Your presence today, thankful for Your mighty hand of provision, something odd happens to me. My mind begins to take notice of a few unexpected bills.  I tell myself, “You have a plan. There is a roof over our head and enough money to meet our needs. Why should I worry?” Oh LORD, please return my focus back to You. And, help me to trust You more. Amen.