June 29, 2013: My Personal Journal Entry. My will, NO, God's will be done!

Father God, this morning while reading Your Word, I had a sinking feeling that I had wandered back onto the wide a chaotic path. With Your Word open upon the floor of my childhood bedroom, I prayed for direction. Suddenly, a strong feeling to call my husband to discuss our marriage came over me. I wanted to obey. Yet, my flesh began crying out, “This is your chance. Get out now while you can!” The thought of returning to an unhappy marriage filled me with sorrow. Pride welled within me as I told myself, "You will have to say you are sorry first."  I decided to drown out all the other voices and to obey You.

Staying still for a moment, I pondered how to keep Travis occupied while I privately spoke to his father. "I'll drive to the beach." I thought. "Maybe Travis can play in the sand while I speak to LeeRoy."

As soon as we arrived at the beach, I called my husband. I tried to talk to him about our marriage, but his mind was made up. He was divorcing me, no matter what I said.

After our phone call ended, I sat motionlessly for a while. I couldn’t help but notice how small, insignificant and weak I felt. The rejection was almost too much to bear. Were we really getting a divorce? “That wasn’t the promise I had been reading in Your Word for the past few years.” But now, LeeRoy was adamant. I was not to return home.

Confusion set in as questions rolled into my head. Were You were allowing me out of my painful marriage? Was I being punished for pridefully walking away from Your plan? I had no answers. I just knew that I was now standing at another crossroad. Utter sadness came over me.

June 28, 2013: My Personal Journal Entry: Modern Day Jonah Story

I left our home with Travis in tow and drove to my parent’s home. It only took forty minutes to reach our destination. Along the way, I convinced myself that You were willing a divorce. I let my imagination run away with me. I would be greeted with all the usual sympathy and compassion my parents could muster. By the time I had arrived, I was thanking You for such a safe haven.

Right away, my parents and I managed to upset each other. Soon, we too were having a terrific quarrel. That's when it dawned on me. I had fallen into a trap and I was now walking on an old familiar road. A rugged road, where there’s barely enough flickering light for a weary traveler to see his next step.
Travis and I tried to settle in. He was clearly troubled and I must admit, my mind and soul were at odds too. In his innocence, Travis just couldn’t understand why his parents were at such odds. At one point, he set his feelings aside and met me at the kitchen table where I sat reading Your Word. He laid his hand upon my shoulder and sweetly said, “I am sorry Mommy.” I turned and hugged Travis while whispering, “We’re going to be okay Son.” 
With our heads held low, we went to bed early hoping a new day would bring some answers and a fresh sense of Your hope.